Australia - isn't that near China?

Over lunch with a (French) friend today we were discussing what age we'd first learnt to drive, and I mentioned that people where I grew up (in rural Victoria, incase you were wondering) generally learned to drive quite early, as the distances were so great between towns and there was no public transport. She thought about that for a minute, and then asked me a question that made my jaw drop to the floor: "Is that because you lived in near the desert?" 

Turns out, she'd recently gone to see the film Australia (not recommended, by the way, unless you're going for the comic value of hearing Nicole Kidman say "crikey") and had somehow deduced that everyone in Australia pretty much lived within skipping distance of the desert. I tried to explain (after I'd finished laughing) that actually, most people in Australia lived nowhere near any sort of desert, but she couldn't understand how that could be possible, since there was obviously so much of it there. 

So I showed her this: 

Yes, that's right. You can fit the whole EU into Australia and still have space left over. 

Australians who have lived overseas (or 'abroad') before will know that people are generally endlessly fascinated and also misinformed about this crazy place we call "Australia". I have been asked, quite seriously, whether I've even ridden a kangaroo (yes, every day to school). A girl in one of my language classes once declared that it never snowed in Australia, and argued with me when I tried to contradict her. And, most hilariously, a Canadian friend of mine once asked me to explain some British slang to her and when I said that I couldn't, because, errr: I'm Australian, she said "oh, but you're almost British!" (About as much as you are, actually). 

So in the interests of dispelling some myths and hopefully preventing anyone else asking me whether I've ever held a koala, here are a few facts about Australia: 

• No, it's not always sunny. Especially in Melbourne. You will probably have to bring a jumper (sorry, 'sweater'). 
• No, Australia and New Zealand are not "the same thing". The distance between Melbourne and Wellington is the same as that between London and Moscow - ie. they're completely separate countries. 
• Although yes, we do have poisonous snakes and spiders, this does not mean that you are going to get bitten and die. I lived in the bush for 20 years and noone I know has ever died of a snake bite.  
• Ditto for sharks. It is safe to swim at Bondi Beach. (You think I'm kidding, but I met a German girl who told me she lived in Sydney for 6 months and never once went swimming at the beach because she was too scared of being attacked by a shark!) 
• "The bush" does not mean "a bush", it is the Australian version of "the woods". We once had an exchange student come and stay with us who got very confused because we said we going to go to the bush, and she was looking out for one giant shrub! 
• Yes, we say "G'day mate" and most of those other phrases you hear on television (though never "throw another shrimp on the barbie", unless we're being ironic.) No, it's not cute, funny, or quaint. Stop calling me quaint! 
• No, I do not know this Australian guy named Pete from Sydney that you met once in a bar in Amsterdam. Do you know every single person in your country? 
• No, we do not drink Fosters. And neither should you.

See ya later mate(s)!

Bisous X Alice